The Wizzard's Castle

I CAN

Dedicated to the ones I love

We seem to take too many things for granted in our lives. I used to be one of those individuals. I enjoyed golfing, bowling, racquetball and basketball (any outdoor activity for that matter). Even the simple things like running, walking and speaking can be overlooked. Getting up out of a chair, getting up in the morning or standing to cook a meal are things that I've given no thought to.

Then one day, my vision started to give me troubles. I woke one morning with severe double vision. I started to notice a loss of motor control in my leg. Walking was becoming labored. I was losing strength in my left hand. I couldn't hold onto objects to carry them for very long. I went to see a neurologist. He ran several tests and told me that it was a one-time instance, an attack if you will, similar to a mini stroke. I thought nothing of it. I learned to live with the annoyance of a limp, lack of strength and motor conotrol in my left side. It wasn't until years later that I started to notice a sensation in my right side. My leg became supersensitive. With the onset of this development, I decided to get checked again by my doctor. After running the same barrage of tests (MRI, spinal tap) he proceeded to tell me that I have MS (multiple sclerosis).

After first coming to grips with the fact that I had this disease, the emotional roller coaster began. I knew that with the treatment program I was beginning that one of the side effects was depression, but I didn't realize to what extent I would be affected. Some of the lows that I have already faced have been the lowest point I have ever been in my life. The one thing that always brought me back was the people that love me. Knowing that they support me and are there for me has helped me through the tough days. That and the fact that I have to take care of my 1 year old daughter while my wife works doesn't give me much time to feel sorry for myself.

Too many times in our lives, we say the words "I can't." Over the past few months, I've been guilty of that myself. See, it's much easier to say, "I can't" than to try and be frustrated with the results. Instead of saying, "I can't walk like I used too", I say, "At least I can hobble around." Instead of saying, "I can't run and play sports like I used too," I say "At least I can still get around." Instead of saying "I can't do things like I used too," I say "I can do some things, might take me ten times longer, but I'll get the job done." Instead of saying, "I can't because my body won't let me" I say, "I can because my mind will."

Not to minimize this for anyone, I know that there are people out there that have it worse off than me. I'm not confined to a wheelchair. I'm able to control most of my body (if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to type this note.) Of course I'm not saying that someday I might not end up there. I may need to rely on my loved ones more than I am right now. I'm thankful that I'm able to get out of bed in the morning. I'm thankful that I'm still alive and able to see my children grow. But most of all, I'm thankful for the love and support that I'm receiving in my fight.